ok, it's official.

1. i seriously have no imagination whatsoever
2. my brain's art department has been shut down
3. i'm gonna be so dead

hopefully whatever brain-juices that's left could last me until the end of the week.
i need re-fill.

-phing-

if you've missed saturday's concert, you better go knock your head against the wall =P nah, just kidding. last friday and saturday was the international worship music festival. it was awesome!! =)

too bad i missed the friday's concert by the florida team =( *wait while i go knock my head against the wall...* =P

anyway, saturday was great too. had a bigger group, with the klang valley baptist churches combined with the florida team. conducted by none other than camp kirkland himself and terry williams =) oh, and the orchestra team was superb! sigh... it was really beautiful

painful lesson learnt last year, NEVER EVER EVER wear high heels during the performance =P this year wore my black sneakers instead. though comfortable, but my legs were killing me after the 2+ hours of standing straight. and after holding my black folder in the same position for 2+ hours, i could not feel my left arms anymore =P but all these were nothing compared to the 'high' i've got singing my lungs out =) and i don't mind doing i again though, coz it's really wonderful to sing about His glory and His wonderful love =)

another thing worth remembering about is that dad actually came! praise the Lord =) mom did a great job in pulling dad along though, haha... it's been really good to see him there. not sure whether he enjoyed watching the concert or not, coz he's not much of a going-to-concert type. but the fact that he was actually there listening and watching was really amazing. hopefully the message had touched his heart =)

sorry if i am just blabbering along but i've spent the whole morning and afternoon writing my report and my brain kinda stop functioning in the vocab department =P but the past few days has been really awesome! =)

-phing-

no more waking up at 6.30am. no more working attire. no more cracking my head over lousy program codes. well, not exactly no more cracking my head over program codes, but at least i won't be cracking at the ungodly hour of 8.30am =P

yes. i am happy. but i didn't know this happiness came bundled with a hint of sadness.

today's my last day of training. felt really happy... yesterday, thinking that today's gonna be my last day and all. but today as i watched the time passed, as it got closer to five, i felt a hint of sadness that was not supposed to be there. i thought i'll feel really happy, like completely happy, but as it happens, i didn't felt that kind of euphoric explosion.

i'm not missing the work, mind you =P it's just that i feel like i'm not a part of something anymore. before i pack up, i was deleting some stuff from the pc that i was using for the past 6 months. all my work - my reports, my program, the documents that i did, the pictures and all, seeing them being deleted one by one from the pc. but this is not the worst. the worst was not being able to complete the last task given. my last task. i guess i won't feel that bad if i had finished it.

anyway, i guess attachment is a funny thing. it's like we human beings have the tendency to grow invicible arm and grab hold of something. the longer we hold on to it, the harder it is to let go. and when the time comes for us to let go, the invicible fingers just won't let loose but instead held on tighter. and the only way to let go is... urm... cutting off your own arm. yeah, it hurts alot. but after a period of time, the pain starts to ease and it's like you've grown another invicible arm (like a lizard's tail =P), ready to grab something else and the process starts all over again. if we are lucky, we would never have to let go, but it does not matter cause we also have the ability to grow more than one invicible arm =)

salad, spaghetti, lasagna, black pepper chicken, 3 plain water, iced lemon tea, caramel cheese cake & raspberry cheese cake

an ungiven card because of "thank you for 8 days leave"

well wishes from everyone

an unfinished task

thanx for everything & i'm gonna miss all of you

-phing-

*smack* ouch!!

cool! i'm not dreaming. 1 more week. ONE more week and i'll be...
FREE!! (muahahaha...)

-phing-

can i stay here forever?
by Starfield

through forgotten convictions
misplaced affections
i'm losing the sound of Your voice
i've been chasing after emptiness
trying to tidy up this mess
i swear i've been down this road before
i want to get back to where it all began
when i would long for only You

like a child i'll take You at Your word
as these mountains of doubt, they fade away
i'm longing to trust and love You more
so for me this is beautiful
a brand new thought, and a brand new world
can i stay here forever here with You?

i've lost sight of what first drew me
to the love that pursued me
the joy that inspired my song
the friendship that was all i knew
the arms that i would fall into
seem miles and years from where i am today
i got to get back to where it all began
when i would wait for only You

can i stay here forever
here with You?
surrounded by Your mercy
clothed in Your truth
always, i'll stay
always here with You

can i be here forever
here with You?
can i know what it's like
to deeply love You?
always, Lord, let me stay
always, here with You

-phing-

guess what i did today? or better yet, guess what i wore today? to work. my shirt was ok. had my hair up. pant's not bad too. and so that leaves... yeap, the shoes. accidentally wore my slippers to work! it was pretty humiliating. but considering myself lucky, i had on my long slacks, so it kinda covers abit of my slippers. sigh... i didn't notice i was wearing my slippers until i'm reaching office.

i guess it's kinda a habit. previously, i drove to work. then, one day, my bro got his driving license and i found myself a chauffeur... my dad (though, thanks dad =)). anyway, was so used to wearing my slippers to drive to work, and only change to my other working 'gear*' when i reach office. oh, and i can't believe i actually miss driving. i know i used to complain alot about the traffic and so on, but now i actually miss them. sigh...

heard on the radio (on my way to work) about the security on an atm machine. it was quite interesting. according to them (the djs), somewhere in the european countries, people are using thumb prints instead of your usual card and pin to withdraw money. however, it's still at a preliminary stage. more research are to be done on this technology and additional features and enhancements, such as self-cleaning the thumb print scanner (coz you don't know what a person touched before putting his/her thumb on the thing =P) and so on. anyway, it kept me thinking. i heard this story (not sure about the authenticity though) about a man owning a car (i think it was a merz) and this car requires the owner's thumb print in order to start. as the story goes, a robber came by with the intention of stealing the man's car. because of the 'unique' requirement in starting the car, the robber chopped off the man's thumb before driving the car off! gruesome... yea... thugs these days would do anything to get money. just look at the robbery cases happened 2 weeks ago at tar college (*ahem* =P). it's bad enough that the robbers robbed the students of their things, but do they have to slash them too. fyi, one was seriously injured and in hospital while the other died. sad huh? guess that's the world today. ok, i've side tracked... anyway, i'm not denying that atm with these features and technologies are cool, but i guess there are other things that should be taken into consideration before implementation.

i digress... heard a really good definition of rich and poor (on the radio too). not in the exact words, but, hey... they were spoken in mandarin. and my translating skills are not that 'refined' =P ok, anyway, being rich is not measured by how much (money or material things) a person has, and being poor is not measured by how little a person has either. being rich is simply to be able to see all that one already has, and being poor is simply keep seeing what one does not have. i admit, not as good as when it sounded on the radio, but the meaning's there, you just have to take time to disect and digest =P

-phing-

* not sure how one would to call them, it's not high heels and not sandals either. it's one of those strappy, flip-flop kinda shoes. oh, i'm not good with them anyway, the only shoes i know are slippers, sandals and sports shoes =P they're still da best! =)

reached office really early today. grabbed a copy of the newspaper before heading towards the coffee shop. after buying breakfast, i sat down at a corner and began flipping through the paper as i ate. a man then approached me, asking: "excuse me, miss, but where did you get that paper?" i looked up, pointed at the direction where the news stand is located and answered, "there..." and the man butted in and said, "really? eh? no more already..." (well, ok... can't remember what his exact words were, but they meant something like that)

don't mean anything? well, here's more:
i. the stack of newspapers arrived just as i reached the office's perimeter (saw the newspaper man delivering them)
ii. i'm (literally) the first to grab a paper from the stack
iii. they're free (btw)
iv. the time between me grabbing the paper and the man asking me the question is less than 5 minutes!

what's wrong with people today? even if something's free it doesn't mean that you have to take the whole stack (or bunch or whatever that applies)!! i mean, c'mon, it's not as if they're all different or even if they are, you're not possibly gonna read every single 1 of them.

ok, at least that's something "interesting" from work today. anyway, i digress... lately i acquired this superb reflex of pressing ctrl+s for no particular reason. i guess that's what you'll get for staring into the computer and typing non-stop for more than 8 hours a day. and i think being paranoid has a part in it too. i know computers won't just malfunction for no particular reason (unless of course, your colleague's long legs are conveniently and constantly moving about near the power supply or your computer hangs one too many times or your loose network cable is constantly removing itself from the network port or the ms words application just closes for no particular reason or...) *ahem...* anyway, at least i get a few nano seconds of 'me' time waiting for the computer to save whatever that needed (unecessary =P) saving. other reflexes soon to come - ctrl+v, ctrl+c, ctrl+x, and ctrl+z (in that order)

-phing-

got these from 'the plain truth' mag
really cool stuff... keeps you thinking... for a while =)

anonymous sayings:

wisdom is in the head, not in the beard

the best way to face trouble is to face it

a diamond is just a piece of coal that made good under pressure

a friend is somebody you can be quiet with

a smile goes a long way but you have to start it on its journey

God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it in the nest

the ladder of success may now be an elevator, but it's still self-service

a good listener is a silent flatterer

sight is a faculty; seeing is an art

freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong

before you decide on your aim in life, check your ammunition

the wisdom of life is to endure what we must and to change what we can

love lives in cottages as well as in castles

in golf as in life it's the follow-through that makes the difference

on a tombstone in chattanooga: "i came into this world without my consent and left in the same manner"

every minute starts an hour and every minute is a new opportunity. each time the clock ticks, you have a chance to start over; to say, do think, or feel something in such a way that you and the world are better for it.

-phing-

ever did something which you regret instantly?
i did...

-phing-

today's the last day of work for the 2 UM trainees. sigh... i'm really gonna miss them. time really does fly... (let me re-phrase that, i meant...) rocket... no kidding! 3 months + 3 days had passed since i started my training and that is how long i've been working with them. sigh... i guess working now would be kinda dull, without their constant *ahannoyinghem... * but funny antics and jokes. come to think of it, they actually makes working life more bearable... (if my supervisor sees this, she's gonna skin me =P)

*ahem*... anyway, had our last lunch together, "gue pa"-ed at the rm7.50 chicken chop shop, or "hoi lam" as we so fondly called it... haha... there's a story too, as to why we called the shop "hoi lam", maybe i'll save it for some other time =P. there are other shops with special nicknames too, such as "sang meng" (well, not actually a nickname, it's actually a translation from 'life'), "kuen gai" (boxing chicken), "zhong gan" or "ma lai dong" (malay stall situated in the middle of the podium), "dong guai" and so on.

oh, not forgetting they can talk about almost anything. serious! from 'zhou xing chi' (stephen chow the actor) to sports (football mostly) and, you wouldn't believe, physics. yes, physics!! they would make newton proud... haha... one of their hobby during work - one of them would sing and the other would start on the constant hushing. i tell you, the two of them together really make a funny pair.

i guess i'm trying to cramp all this 3 months worth of memory into 1 column; with that much of fond memories and my poor 're-counting' skill, i reckon i'd fail miserably. however, i would surely treasure all these memories and forever remember that i have met these two really great guys from UM =) yy, chinpeng... this column is for u guys. take care and all the best.

-phing-

Offering
by Paul Baloche

the sun cannot compare
to the glory of Your love
there is no shadow in Your presence

no mortal man would dare
to stand before Your throne
before the Holy One of heaven

it's only by Your blood
and it's only through Your mercy
Lord, i come

Chorus
i bring an offering of worship to my King
no one on earth deserves the praises that i sing
Jesus, may You receive the honour that You're due
o Lord, i bring an offering to You



-phing-

i feel...
weird. have been for the past week.

i'm hooked...
on novels. have already read 3 in the last 5 days and starting on a new 1.

i guess...
when one grows up with only 1 sibling, one does not really learn to share. my case anyway...

i need a break. i really need a break.

-phing-

i know i shouldn't be,
i don't know why i am,
i can't help it
but right now i am
... depressed



**********
i hate goodbyes, but i hate not to be able to say it more
i hate these stupid mood swings
i hate my over-emotional self
i hate feeling empty
i hate the feeling like no one cares
i hate it especially when i start to hate

-phing-

RESCUE
by Newsong

You are the source of life
and i can't be left behind
no one else will do
i will take hold of You

I need You Jesus
i need You Jesus

My heart is yours for life
And I need your hand in mine
No one else will do
I put my trust in you

Chorus
i need You Jesus
to come to my rescue
where else can i go
there's no other name by
which i am saved
capture me with grace
i will follow You

Bridge
This world has nothing for me

-phing-

21.

a significant number in one's life.
yeap, today's officially my first day on my 21st year =)

what do people do on their 21st? hmm... let's see...
- first booze? nah... tasted that already, tho would prefer coke/pepsi (any time).
- keys? hmm... not really. have gotten a bunch of keys years back (too bad car keys not in the bunch =P)
- car? i wish!!...
- driving lisence? don't count coz legal driving age is when you turn 17, so have gotten that like 4 years ago...
- casino!! haha... looks like this IS the one =P (siapa mau pigi genting?)

any changes when a person turns 21? not too sure bout other people, but other than the feel of un-natural 'high' the whole day, today was no different than the other day =P (and i waited my whole life just to feel what's it like to be 21... =P kidding)

got bombarded with loads of birthday wishes from my friends and family (not that i'm complaining. heck, no!! =P) anyway, thank you all... you really made my day =)

********** snippets of some of the smses received **********
snip#10: now 21 already oh! wan like big girl o!
snip#9: Surprise!!! It's me coming to say happy birthday!
snip#8: Wish u hv a wonderful birthday n all the best...(",)
snip#7: 'api b'day 2 u
snip#6: Wishing u a blessed 21st birthday and happy always!
snip#5: happy 21st!!lol.super significant day huh?
snip#4: happy birthday ! ^o^
snip#3: Our date 2nite on. (*ahem...*)
snip#2: May all ur wishes come true :p
snip#1: WC Daily Results 14 Jun KOR 2 - TOG 1, FRA 0 - SUI 0, BRA 1 - CRO 0. (eh? =P)
**********************************************************************

Dear Lord, i thank You for giving me life and for blessing me richly in these 20 years. i pray for the days and years ahead, Lord, that You'll be my Guide, my Comfort, my Strength and my Salvation. Amen.

-phing-
"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace." - Numbers 6:24-26

the twisties in life...
me spending 3 weeks doing a 5-day job and 2 days doing a 2-week job... =\

anyway, work aside...
i've been avoiding my pc for the past few weeks. top 10 reasons why...

#10: crashed my pc (for the 1st time)
# 9: formatted my pc (for the 1st time)
# 8: re-formatted my pc (that makes 2)
# 7: re-reformatted my pc (take 3!)
# 6: re-re-reformmated my pc (don't ask...)
# 5: computer-interaction overdose at work
# 4: final year project
# 3: final year project documentation
# 2: thesis

and the #1 reason (drum roll; drrrrroooooooooomm-CHING!!)
i'll be doing something else (on the pc) anyway...

*ahem*... my pc's up and running now, it's kinda... hmm... how would one describe?... erm... empty? yeah, empty. kang-kang eh, ham me goon boh (^.^)

-phing-

p.s. aunt shyanne coming this sunday... yay!!

fine... i'll write something then...

current thoughts: N/A
current mood: (-.-)
current life: wait... lemme check... *phew*...ok, still breathing...

haha... that's kinda how my life is right now. everyday work, work, work, work, eat, sleep, work, work, work... sigh... unlike someone... you know who you are... =P kidding...

*ahem*... moving on...
current need: sleep
current craving: sleep
current news: he's back! =)

when all you got to keep is strong
move along, move along like i know you do
and even when your hope is gone
move along, move along just to make it through

-phing-

aarrghhh... my throat hurts. feels like there's a big ball stuck in it. might be infection. hmm... shouldn't have eaten the packet of chips last night =P yesterday was still ok, no sore throat or anything, although i did get abit nauseas after dinner (if u wanna know... a fair warning first... i did puke). my head was spinning right before i left work. the spinning was on and off and on and off and on... dad said it might be something i ate and caused the infection (dad's kinda holding mom responsible on having the leftovers as dinner, haha...) *ahem... ouch!* anyway, i don't think that's what caused my throat to "balloon" up

conscience: "hello, this is your conscience speaking... i told you so!!" sigh...

*i digress...* today was suppose to be the dateline for the modules that i'm working on. my supervisor's gotta be thinking, "this girl ar... know today's the dateline, summore never come work. must be purposely one arr..." haha... sorry... actually she's not so bad =) i'm just hoping that she doesn't think that i'm faking the whole thing, you know, just so i could get out of submitting my modules =P *ouch!*

right now, i don't feel like eating, don't even feel like opening my mouth. i wonder what am i gonna do with that big pot of porridge? anyone would like some? it's got clams, crab meat, mushrooms... *uurrggh... queasy... uurrgghh...*

-phing-

happy easter =)

ok, so it's 11.01 (pm)... the day's not done yet... har har...

anyway, today was great!! the 2nd best day i like in a year, the other'd be christmas =) the practices for choir kinda paid off (note the kinda). every other peeps in the choir was great! me being in the midst of the altos, they (the other altos) were exceptionally good, cause that's the only part i could hear, haha... me? it's either i couldn't remember the words or singing the wrong notes *paiseh...* but then, it's not that bad actually. at least i've found myself a new profession - lip sync. wahahaha... *kembang*

this year's baptism candidates banyak! as in un-usually banyak! eleven in all. not that i'm complaining. NO! on the contrary, i'm really(x3) happy for all of them. congrats to all! =) why i think banyak? cause during my time... (haha... ok, so not a good example to compare with) there were only 4 (or was it 5...), including myself. *ahem...* so, aa-nee-weaii... i'm overjoyed, ecstatic, happy, thrilled, elated (etc) upon their proclamation of faith =) haha... weird... felt like i'm the one sitting in the cold(x2) water.

ooo... too bad my camera's broken (aarrgh...) gotta those photos!! the group photo this year was really grand =) most of us (youths. well, can't really consider myself a youth anymore, however i want to... sniff... =P) are in black-&-white. smart! =) seriously smart.

the fact that easter brings hope, love, forgiveness and abundant life, today's truly a day for celebration. in all, today's a really HAPPY day! =)

dear Jesus, thank you for Your love, for Your sacrifice and for Your resurrection. Amen.

-phing-

just came back from choir practice. ah... feels good to be back in church. it's been long since i've been to church. haha... ok, so it's just 2 sundays; somehow it felt longer =P yeap, practicing for easter; it's this sunday!!

have been really busy in the past week. started the industrial training. first week was kinda hectic, juggling my time between work, final year project and seminar (or thesis). sigh... industrial training would be much nicer without the final year project and seminar. why can't the college just make it a semester for industrial training and another for final year project? sigh...

anyway, (i repeat) easter is this sunday. since the "grave" visit last saturday, have been doing some thinking. what's next? after death. after being buried six-feet under. after the soul left the body? as a christian, i knew what Jesus had done for me; actually, He did it for all. yeap, for YOU too (who happens to be reading this). i know where i'd be, if i were to leave tomorrow or today or even the very next minute. God promised eternal life for those who believe in Him.

for gong gong and po po (dad's parents), they never believed. felt really sad when i was at their grave. kept thinking about the promise that they never receive. they never heard. i don't know, kinda blaming myself for not having the courage to tell them about this wonderful promise. as for ye ye (mom's dad), he accepted Christ just before he passed away. God bless his soul. at least i know that he is in heaven =)

one thing i noticed in the grave yard was there were two types of grave. one, which is really beautiful, i mean really beautiful; elaborately decorated, tiled, looking as grand as ever, looking like they'd cost (easily) more than a car. a person could actually live there! another would be old, run down, not maintained, comparatively cheaper and maybe even forgotten grave. makes me wonder, how does one "enjoy" the grand and luxurious piece of land when they are buried six-feet under?

question to ponder: what's next after life?
to those who are still wondering...

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him. -John 3:16-17

In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the Kingdom of God unless he is born again." - John 3:3

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." - John 14:6

-phing-