Wednesday, April 16, 2008

"do you love Me?"

i remember a statement which goes something like this, "sometimes dying for Christ is easier than living for Him". i remember also, agreeing with this statement, though not in practical terms.

these past weeks, i've been having issues with a friend of mine. i'm not too sure whether who am i mad at more, him or myself. the thing is, he is not even aware that i am mad at him. i have been dropping hints here and there that i do not really agree with the things that he does, but somehow, it doesn't really get through the thick head of his. at times, i really felt like screaming at him and giving his behind a good, hard kick.

so, why didn't i just tell him straight? i don't know. it's not that easy. there are other factors to consider, like another of my friend who's involved in this. if i told him off, then it would be selfish on my part. sometimes i wish i could just be that selfish and not care.

"we bear the image of Christ. whatever we do, whatever actions we take, it reflects God", i remember telling this to my sunday school kids. maybe this is the reason why i care. and maybe this is why i'm finding it harder and harder to live, as Christ would me.

i remember one night, i was fuming and have been avoiding him, just in case i did something i'd really regret. i had my earphones on, listening to some music and trying to fall asleep. i remember a line of a song that was playing, "Jesus i love you" it sang repeatedly. four simple words and yet at that moment, i felt like i can't even say the words without blatantly lying. somehow, at that moment, i felt like Jesus was talking to me, asking me, "do you love me?", "if you love me, love him, because i love him". "i know you love him Lord, but it's so hard for me right now. it's so hard." my tears were pouring. but all i felt was Jesus' gentle words, repeating, "if you love me, love him, because i love him".

i have learned to forgive him but this doesn't mean that now i agree with what he does. i still don't. but, at least now i know i have a fruit of the spirit growing healthily within me - PATIENCE. and only God knows how much i need it.

"for to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." - philippians 1:21


1 comment:

Lydia said...

believe it or not, mich.. I completely totally understand what you meant what you did in your post. Completely. Often at times, mich, I actually went ahead and did the selfish things like kicking his butt. What to do.. you know me. Hot tempered, emotional, act before thinking type.

butyeah. I know what you mean. seriously. Let's pray together that we can really echo Paul's words (one of my most favourite right now!) "To live is Christ, to die is gain"